Monday, July 16, 2007

A laissez-faire motto to have sex by

Girl: Some get easy, some get hard.

-Restaurant

posted by A. @ 11:21 AM

He just really wants to be horse whipped in the hay

Token city boy in group of former small towners: I feel left out. This city boy wants a farm lover.

-Party

posted by A. @ 11:16 AM

The ultimate white girl diss: Latino boys beware

White girl lamenting about her salsa dancing partner: He was so white boy, it was unbelievable. His name as Manolo. It sounds like he would be salsa dancing all the time.

-Party

posted by A. @ 11:08 AM

Ah, the sweet smells of home

Girl: All this Mennonite conversation made me soil my jeans.

-Party

posted by A. @ 11:00 AM

Soccer lingo turned smutty

Guy watching TV: He's got good penetration but no control.
Girl: Hmmm, I've never called it an engine room.

-Party

posted by A. @ 10:51 AM

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Cake... as in, you could do that job baked?

Teen posing as dude: Yo, that's the worst job ever (Pointing to TTC station watcher). Man, I'd be wearing seven sweatshirts, three pairs of gloves and a fucking scarf.
Other teen: Yeah. (laughs)
Teen dude: How do you get a cake job like that? That job's cake.

-Spadina line streetcar

posted by A. @ 2:31 PM

One person's pest, another's exotic bird

Smarty-pants Twin #1: Look, it's a pigeon. We just saw our first pigeon at the age of four and a half years old.
Complacent Twin #2: Yeah.

Minutes later, Dad returns.

Smarty-pants Twin #1: Dad! I waved at a pigeon!

-Starbucks, Bloor Street

posted by A. @ 2:25 PM

Good Friday news flash: 2,000 years too late

Glasses guy: Don't you know Jesus died today?
GG's friend: (scoff)
Glasses guy: But don't worry. He comes back again.

-Book City, Bloor Street

posted by A. @ 2:16 PM

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Maxi padding your answers

Inquisitive young boy holding box of pads: Mommy! What's this?
Mom: (silent)
Child holding the pads up high: Mommy!! What is THIS?
Mom, speaking quietly: Those are maxi pads.
Child: What are maxi pads?
Mom: (silent)
Child, screaming: MOMMY! What are MAXI PADS?
Mom grabs pads from child: Never mind. They're for mommy.

-Shoppers Drug Mart




posted by A. @ 5:44 PM

I hope she's talking about Facebook

Teenybopper girl: My friend just keeps getting poked, poked, POKED!!

-Shoppers Drug Mart, Bloor & Spadina

posted by A. @ 5:43 PM

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Canada: the horseshoe around the centre of the world

Radio host on air: LeDrew has just filed his papers to become the next mayor of Canada. ... I mean, Toronto.

-Heard on radio

posted by A. @ 10:40 AM

A case of mistaken ... grills?

Lady standing in kitchen beside cabinets, fridge, stove, sink: So ... is this the kitchen?
Smart-ass painter: No, it's the garage, lady, can't you see all the cars?

-New house

posted by A. @ 10:14 AM

Friday, September 29, 2006

Watch out for the malt balls

Pacing girl looking for candy and yelling to friend: As soon as I eat something, I'm going to have to poo.

-7-11, College & Spadina

posted by A. @ 8:39 PM

The latest tool released by the mighty G

Woman: He gave it to me in cubic inches. Everyone else gives it in litres.
Google-o-phile man: Go to Google. You can convert it there.
Smartypants man: You can convert anything on Google. Jewish to Catholic. Catholic to Jewish.

-Office

posted by A. @ 8:35 PM

Monday, September 25, 2006

Either way you end up in heaps of trouble

Man #1: How do you say Misses in German?
Woman: Frau?
Man #1: Jungfrau means virgin.
Man #2: Really? I thought it was a range of mountains?
Man #3: I wouldn't go using that until I got that cleared...

-office

posted by A. @ 7:58 PM

Saturday, September 23, 2006

In the end, it's all brown

Brown girl #1: I'm really trying to be more brown. I ate spicy food yesterday. That's pretty brown.
Brown girl #2: Yeah, that's pretty brown.

-University of Toronto, King's College Circle
Submitted by A.

posted by A. @ 11:49 AM