quoted in toronto: August 2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006

A midget for a midget

Tall pimply dude: My friend has this theory that the perfect woman is a three-foot-tall midget with no teeth.
Short girl: What? Huh?
Dude: I'm sure you can guess the meaning.

-Spadina Avenue

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Looking for a last blow job, for old times' sake?

Carpenter: Good day, sir.

70-year-old man: Hi there. I grew up in this house.

Carpenter: Really? You must have a lot of great memories of that.

70-year-old man: Yup ... Got my first blow job in that back room there.

Carpenter: (silence)

-construction site
Submitted by J.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

She'll whip you with her bookstrap

Gino: Wow, I love the glasses. You look like a dirty librarian, a dirty librarian who didn't return her books ... and all her books are about sex!
Girl wearing glasses: Uh...

-Devil's Martini

Do they have extras in porn movies?

Dude: There are so few beautiful people, but as my friend said to me, "Everyone's a porn star in somebody's movie."

-Yonge Street

Making a mockery of martinis

Dude: You can't call that a martini. That's a motini, a motardini, a motard.

-Bloor Street West & Markham Street

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Uh,... it tastes like chicken?

Guy #1: It's beaver.
Guy #2: Can you eat beaver?
Girl: I would totally try eating beaver.

-random street

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Gay-dar gone bad

Guy: So...I don't really know how to say this but I really like you, and I was wondering if you would like to start dating, or hanging out more, or something?
Girl: Really? Because I thought you were gay?
Guy: Damn, this always happens. I can assure you, I'm NOT gay.
Girl: Really? Because I am.
Guy: Really?
Girl: Ya, you know that blonde friend of yours? She's tall, curly hair.
Guy: Ya.
Girl: Is she a lesbian?
Guy: Ya.
Girl: Do you think you could set me up with her?

-Dooney's in the Annex

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Mockery: A new diet fad

Dude on patio: You gotta get mocked to learn.
Chick: What?
Dude: Yeah, I'd still be a fat kid if I didn't get mocked.

-near College Street

And then he drank it all

Drunken dude on a phone: I'm on a streetcar. And I'm going to a boat cruise. And I'm already ruined... You know, I have a bottle of gin at home with your name on it - literally, it has your name on it. I think I was drunk and wrote your name on it.

-Spadina streetcar

quoted in toronto